Good judgment: an expensive lesson

It really doesn’t matter who said it first – Mark Twain, Will Rogers, or Dr. Kerr L.

White – because everyone immediately recognizes truth in the pronouncement: “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.”

The learning part of “live and learn” best greases the wheels of moving forward through life while dealing with conflict, problems and confrontation. So, you’d think we’d invest in whatever effort and expense is necessary to better get along with people – especially when they’re upset.

Companies large and small go to great and expensive lengths to prepare their staffs for just about every contingency in the marketplace, yet often relegate dispute resolution to, perhaps, a half-day ho-hum seminar. Our business culture has been dragged kicking and screaming into an environment less operated by centralized control/commanding structures; which is, indeed, progress in the right direction. And, currently we’re focusing on creating a climate hypersensitive about avoiding offensive behaviors and policies. That also can be a good thing.

However, lost in the social noise is the inestimable value of acquiring the skills to effectively deal with a client or team member that has a problem. After spending a couple of decades in the hot seat of working as a professional flak catcher and mediator, I’ll offer the following essential points of “putting out fires” without having them still smolder. Time doesn’t permit full explanation, so I’ll address what “we” can do instead of what “they” need to do.

First, when someone else has a problem, we should have facilitated an environment in advance that invites them to come to us with trust and an expectation that we will assist them in solving their own problem and not simply try to “fix them.” I could spend an entire month teaching and training that single, first step alone.

Next, we need to genuinely want to help and not just cynically use “techniques.” You know good and well how easy it is to detect insincerity and phony baloney in people who claim to be “here for us.” We also need to make sure we have time to interact with them and then commit the necessary time to collaborate with them.

“A body can pretend to care, but it can’t pretend to be there.”

And, although this is a tough one, the process of problem-solving is best served if we believe that, with some helpful support, our customer or subordinate can solve their own problem. Our archaic, cultural orientation is, with enough information we can “fix everything and make them feel better.” If that wasn’t enough of a challenge, we need to realize we’re separate from the other person and their problem and, while we can empathize with their issue, we shouldn’t identify with their issue. Doing so often stirs our own issues and emotions to a point that we can’t be objective as our emotions take over driving the problem-solving bus, and you know from bad experience where that road leads.

Write ‘doc” at businessjournal@theexaminer.com.