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Conflict and confrontation are just facts of life.
To one degree or another, we all face situations where two wills clash or the needs of one are in conflict with the needs of another. Some of us are more comfortable dealing with conflict than others – and, while some of us avoid it at all costs, others seem to relish it and, in a way, go looking for it.
Interpersonal conflict is becoming even more common as our society grows, not only in population, but becomes more culturally diverse. What’s known as “culture clash” occurs when people of one culture, with their unique customs, come in contact with other cultures that very well may have different ways of expressing themselves and dealing with each other.
For instance, just the other day I watched and listened as a customer complained to a sales representative, and I paid particular attention to the markedly different ways they spoke to each other. One was verbally loud, confrontational, and kept working their arms and hands as if they were a puppet on strings, animated by an energetic marionette. The sales representative on the other hand, spoke in quiet, terse words, while tightly gripping the edge of the counter.
It’s entirely possible that the spirited customer expressed themselves in virtually the same manner whether they were complaining or telling someone about a Rockets game they’d attended the night before, while the sales representative may have just been a quiet, soft-spoken soul who hardly ever became animated about anything. Apart from what was actually being said, they both were probably uncomfortable with the way the other was communicating.
In my grandfather’s day, it was considered ungentlemanly to make offhand remarks to a stranger, lest one suffer the consequences of immediate correction. Such consequences were, indeed, suffered by the Englishmen who spoke to my grandfather in his WWI uniform as he departed a troop transport ship in England. Within a second or two of having spouted off, “Well, will you look at the Boy Scout!” the Englishman found himself on the ground in a seated position with a growing welt under his eye. Having quickly learned his cultural lesson, he recovered and spoke again, but with discretion, saying, “Well, I think they want to fight!”
Lesson given, lesson learned, and a pint later shared.
So, there are multiple lessons to be learned and things to be considered when interacting with someone with whom we may not be comfortable or whose culture with whom we may not be familiar.
When negotiating the price of a collectible, one culture may not just encourage but insist there be a spirited give and take while another culture may consider it insulting if the buyer offers a lower price. One culture may value being reserved and cordial while another may relish living out loud and consider it proper to wail and flail.
Our challenge then becomes one of adaptation and discernment. To succeed professionally and live a personal life of low stress and peaceful coexistence, our task becomes developing keener awareness.
Honing our awareness means understanding more than just what another is saying but also why they may be saying it. By doing so, we just may be able to fulfill our interests instead of just focusing on our positions at the expense of those interests. Our core interest, for example, may be getting rid of a dormant, depreciating piece of property.
Our position, on the other hand, is not selling to someone who doesn’t show respect for how long it’s been in our family.
What we may misread as disrespect may prevent us from completing the sale, leaving us standing on our position and still standing on that same old piece of property we’ve been needing to sell for the last ten years. It brings to mind the Biblical message, “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”
It’s to our advantage to develop the abilities to think smart, fight smart, and think before we fight.
Write ‘doc” at businessjournal@ theexaminer.com.